you have to know when to quit......

my timing has always been off. apart from the fact that there is no athletic fibre in my body, i have the worst timing in the world. when i was in high school, i desperately wanted to play hockey. and i did. in grade 8. for like the 12th team! seriously! i hit that ball with all my might - either too fast or too slow! i only had perfect timing on stage. when everything was rehearsed and planned - improvisation came easily, but since i only did dramas, timing was not that important. so it has been in my life. i used to make really quick decisions, based on feeling. if it felt good, i did it. i did not even contemplate the word "consequences". as i grew older, i realised that actions had consequences. that sometimes you have to do things you don't FEEL like doing. it was really hard for me, as i was a real hedonist. it had to be good if it felt good. the last few years i have really come to my senses. sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, never mind FEEL like doing. you just have to try, through rain and sunshine, make the decision to plough ahead, even though you feel like just crumpling up and bawling your eyes out. God helped me get through those days. i used to think that i will never give up on certain things. that some things are so sacred that i had to endure horrible times in certain areas of my life, because God expects me to. i had an epiphany at Bible Study tonight. sometimes we pray so hard for God to do something - something we think He really wants, because we want it so badly. and then maybe it is not what He wants for us at all. i begged God this morning to show me the way in an aspect of my life i have been struggling with. i did not understand His method, but now i do. sometimes you have to let go of something. i believe God has plans with all our lives. the decisions we make determine how long it will take before we actually reach our destiny. when i think of all the detours i have made in my life with bad decision-making, i just shake my head thinking of all the time i wasted. i know that God will use every poor decision in His greater plan, but i still have to live with the CONSEQUENCES of those decisions. but i can choose to make better decisions going forward. and i plan to do that. let go and let God.