who does the world see in me?

so, as i am getting older (uhm, more mature, rather) i am beginning to think a lot about my life.  not the purpose of it, that i think i found a while back.  but my life.  aspects of my life.  most importantly, recently, about WHO the world sees when they interact with me personally and professionally, my social media pages, my blog etc.

i listened to a sermon by John McArthur today.  he spoke about WHY integrity is important.  he mentioned that he grew up in a home with two non-perfect parents, but parents who had integrity.  they were always the same - they did not wear different "hats/masks".  they made mistakes, but they were sincere and what they believed did not vary from one day to the next.

due to the nature of my work, i meet lots of people.  i see lots of people on Facebook and then, sometimes, i also get to see them in real life.  sometimes you build really strong relationships with people before you meet them in person.  you become friends on Facebook, follow each other on Instagram, watch each other's videos, catch up on Blogs, Whatsapp etc...

so, you form an opinion of people.  you think you know them and what they stand for.   

sometimes you see posts from people you admire and thought had integrity - according to a set of standards you thought you had in common with them.  you feel a little (well, a lot, actually) disillusioned.  you can't help but wonder if this comment really could have come from people you held in such high regard.  you try and find excuses, thinking that maybe they were having a bad day.  maybe this was just the cherry on top. 

but then, it made me think about WHO the world sees when they look at me.

i am a Christ follower.  i struggle to follow Him.  but i am sincere in my quest to follow Him.  what He did for me is so profound, that it is almost too big for me to comprehend.  the fact that He died for MY sins and i could die with Him and be alive eternally because He took my punishment, is mind boggling.  it literally blows my mind.

for those of us who know Jesus, He was not a meek and mild person, and He definitely did NOT love everyone (especially those pharisees and scribes He had LOTS to say to and about!) but He did offer them all the opportunity to repent from their sins.

He did choose His words carefully and sometimes chose NOT to comment on everything.  sometimes He just let the incident go by.  He tolerated slander, bad press and being torn apart.  He got upset when people made a mockery of His Father's House, but not when they mocked HIM personally.  He did not go and sit in a corner or post a little self-pitying sentence on His Facebook page every time He felt slighted.  no, as far as i can read from Scripture, He actually just retreated a little, took some "quiet time" with His Father and then took His place among the crowds again.

i want to be an IMPERFECT, SINCERE Christ Follower.  i can never be a perfect Christ Follower.  never.  i am too deeply sinful for that and the struggle between that which i KNOW to do and that which my sinful flesh MAKES me do is so intense that i sometimes wonder if i will ever make it to the end of the race...  but i know what the Reward is, so i strive to endure.  

i must endure.

so, to all the other Christ Followers out there who are tempted by all the likes and dislikes, comments and non-comments, blocking and unblocking, following and un-following - just stay TRUE.

Jesus did have a bunch of followers, but when things got tough, they all abandoned Him and sided with the "popular" posts...  He was left all alone.  yes, most of them did come back, realising their mistake.  it is never too late.  we can always turn back to the Truth.

so, my prayer today is that the world will see THE WORD in me.  not the popular "word" who is always soft, smiling, happy and gets along with everyone, but the REAL Word.  the One who does not conform but speaks the Truth in Love - the hard, life giving Truth - the only Truth that sets captives free.