Not an optimist - but a realist

i used to think i was an optimist.

always looking on the bright side of life.

expecting the best.

the past 7 months i have grown into accepting that i am an optimistic realist... probably bordering more on the realistic side, than the optimistic side.

i have come to truly accept that there are things that i cannot change.

i have also realised that knowing which things i cannot change, is very comforting.

in the past 7 months my whole world turned upside down, as well as inside out with the worldwide Covid-19 Pandemic.

one minute i was carefree on a plane to Australia to do what i love, the next minute i was heading back into a hard lockdown in South Africa.

one minute i had a wonderful, successful business, filled with people, laughter, love, happiness and the next minute i was told that my business was a killer - a breeding ground for Covid-19.

one minute i was planning events, classes and more and the next minute i was shutting the doors to my business before lockdown and prepping my staff for a very, very long and hard lockdown.

who knew.

who on earth knew what was coming.

honestly, despite all the wild and ridiculous conspiracy theories out there, i don't think ANYONE knew what was coming.

those who contracted Covid-19 and died certainly did not.

those who spent weeks and months on ventilators and who are STILL on ventilators, did not.

those of us who have business models that require ALL the things that SPREAD Covid-19 - hugging, sharing close spaces, large groups, airconditioned rooms, etc etc did not know what was coming.

any single person who was affected by Covid-19 in ANY way, did not know what was coming.

one minute the streets were noisy.

the next minute the streets were filled with a deafening silence.

and you can do NOTHING.

it was in this next minute of deafening silence that i knew my life would NEVER be the same.

NEVER.

and i started mourning.

i mourned for all those who were sick and dying.

i mourned for those who probably always were hungry, but now they were starving.

i mourned for the complainers about everything, those who did NOTHING but just complained.

i mourned for the denialists - those who just closed their eyes and pretended that everything was still the same.

i mourned for the optimists - those that were sure it would only be a short while and nothing will change.  

(everything changed for most of us)

i mourned for the pessimists - they had absolutely NO HOPE - all their hope was in the NOW and that was gone - forever.

i mourned for the loss of my life as i knew it.

YET

i also had a great anticipation of a BIG CHANCE that i knew was inevitable.

it had to happen.

if change does not coincide with growth, it is wasted.

i hate wastage.

 

change is frequently very uncomfortable.  

VERY

but, once you see even the faintest flickering of light, you know where you are going and then you can push ahead.

i had to adjust my sails. 

i am sailing ahead - NOT looking at what is behind me, but keeping my eyes on the prize set before me - the eternal HOPE that no one, no pandemic, no change in economic circumstance, loss of relationships, sacrifice here on earth - NOTHING - can separate me from.

and that is the LOVE OF CHRIST.

the fact that He died for me WHILE i was still a sinner.

the fact that He does not care where i live, what i wear, what job i do - as long as i do it to HIS Glory.

He is a jealous God and He will not allow any idols in my life.

lockdown has been the hardest things i have every lived through in my life on so, so many levels.

i will probably be able to write a million words about everything that happened to me in the past 7 months.  

some of it might read like fiction...

but it is all true.

adjusting your sails is HARD.

but, when your compass is set on TRUE NORTH, you at least know where you are going.

stay the course - it is worth it

♥