happy birthday, Nosipho!!

one of my church kids in the location had a birthday yesterday, and we had too much rain for me to go there, so i decided to go today. she turned 14. a very sensitive and artistic young lady. i made this very quick card for her, and i had bought her a notepad and 10 rainbow pens so she could journal her journey through life. when i arrived there at about 9:30am, she was still in her pj's and watching a program on TV. i greeted her, but she did not look to happy to see me. i played with her - saying things like "you said you wanted a gift, well, here i am" and "aren't you glad to see me" and her look did not change. very dejected i then said that i was going to leave - if she did not want my gift - thinking that she would run after me, and it would all be a misunderstanding. i turned around and walked to my car. she did not follow me. her big sister forced her to come out. i looked at her, pushed the gift into her hand, and told her that that was it. i was finished with her. i was crying for about 5 miles after that. and it dawned upon me...........this is what God must feel like everytime He wants to Bless me and i am not in the mood. everytime he reminds me of the Gift of the Cross, and I reject Him BLATANTLY. the way this child rejected my gift - (and me) - a very small gift- but one that i took trouble looking for, making the card, driving into the township, to her front door, expecting a thankful heart - it literally felt as if my heart was being ripped out. this must be what God feels like - really - just a million times worse. i was then left with the thought - what now? my natural reaction was to think, that's it, i am finished with these people and especially this child. so ungrateful!! BUT - if that was what God did with me every time i did not want His gifts, because i was too busy, or i did not feel like giving up "me" - i would be heading straight for hell. i am thankful that i serve a God of second chances and UNDESERVED GRACE. Nosipho, i will not give up. i will keep on loving you.................happy birthday!!!